8 Quick Tips for Peacefully Resolving Conflicts
Date Added: September 25, 2007 08:09:32 PM
Most of the times angry people want understanding, they want to be heard and actually listened to. Sometimes it is caused by the frustration of wanting to be heard, but not being able to express their thoughts in a constructive manner. With an understanding of this it is possible deal with this frustration these people are trying to express.
Here are eight unique ways that you can use to quickly keep the peace and settle any disputes.
· In every situation someone needs to be calm to keep the situation under control. So be still and don’t say anything. Let the person vent. They undoubtedly will try to provoke you while doing so but stay calm and remember that arguing points with the person is not effective as it just makes them more defensive.
· The person is frustrated so let them do the talking. What they want most is to be heard, understood and to feel important. They want to know that what they are feeling matters, but they don’t know how to constructively express that. They will get tired of doing all the talking soon enough.
· Take a moment to imagine yourself in their shoes. Consider their point of view and do not tell them they are “wrong.” The first thing to do is to build a rapport by finding an area or areas of agreement to build on.
· Now that the time has come for you to respond remember, there is power in your words. Statements such as “Yes, I understand what your saying. You are saying that…” This validates to the person that you have heard them. Being heard is what they really want in most cases. When you agree with them and repeat back to them the points they are making it breaks down their anger. From there a dialog can be built.
· Should the situation get verbally abusive, firmly stop the discussion. You should remain calm at all times and state something to the effect: “I do understand how you feel and that you’re very angry about that right now. Because of that anger you are saying some things that you don’t mean to say. I think that we should excuse ourselves and talk again when you are calmer.” Then you can ask them to leave or leave the area yourself.
· If the fault is yours just admit it. Tell them, “You’re right, and here is how I can make it right for you.” In some cases you may not be wrong, but you can say, “You may be right, let’s try to understand the situation better by looking at the facts.” It is pretty difficult to argue with that statement.
· Remember throughout the entire process that words are powerful. Use them to validate the other person’s feelings and point of view. That alone can have a tremendous calming influence. Once you have the situation calm and under control, you may be surprised at the outcome.
· If you are in conflict with a person you work with on a daily basis, I have found it useful to imagine that person in another peaceful or loving setting. Maybe that person has children whom he values time with. Everyday take a minute to imagine that person playing with their kids. It will help you to visualize that person in a setting that is more human and interacting with others normally. When appropriate you can get that person talking about their kids to soften them up.
As a means of practicing these techniques consider how you have handled situations with difficult people in the past. Did it turn into an argument about being right or did it end in one person trying to save face? Remember that they want to be heard and you need to see that and validate their thoughts.
