When children are small discipline is easy. You choose to either put them in time-out when they misbehave or you spank to dissuade them from continuing the bad behavior. Whichever you choose your children know that you are the one in charge and that they have to listen to you or there are consequences. The problem comes when they get older. They become teens and have opinions of their own and believe that their parents are stupid.
Teens are sure that their parents have no clue about what is going on in the “real” world. They don’t realize that in most cases it wasn’t that long ago that we were them and thought the exact same things about our parents. We were ourselves trying to figure out ways to get around them. We snuck out of the house to be with our boyfriend or girlfriend when we were told that we couldn’t. None of this is a new concept. They did not invent the idea of defiance. The question is what to when this behavior needs to be dealt with and they are too old to spank anymore.
The first thought that most parents have is grounding. When you are no longer able to spank or put them in time out because they are too grown for it to be effective grounding them is one of the consequences that seems to be the most useful. Taking away their privileges and their ability to go out gets your point across. The problem with that is that without your physical presence to make sure that they stay in your home there is no guarantee that they will stay there.
Grounding is just as much a punishment for you as it is for them. Your activities are hampered just as much as theirs are. It is even more difficult when you have more than one child. You are making a point to all of them when they see the one being punished and because their activities may be curtailed also because of their siblings misbehavior they may even use what peer pressure they can to keep them to from doing it again.
Some parents find that just discussing the situation with their child is sufficient to change the unwanted behavior. This works with some children who still not only respect their parent’s opinions but also will listen to what they have to say without tuning them out completely. Yes, those children do still exist in the world. Not many of us have them but they are still out there. If the misdeeds are not severe and really don’t warrant grounding or the taking away of privileges then maybe just a discussion about why what they did was wrong and why you don’t want them to do it again may be enough.
Every child is different and the form of discipline that is necessary to keep them out of trouble and on the right path will be just as different. Even within your own family each of your children may require a different type of discipline. It is up to you to figure out which one works best on which child.
